When I’m alone.

The snow is falling and all I can notice is the wind. 
When the roads are covered all I can focus on is the path where all the other cars have driven. I try, with all the confidence I can to drive on my own path and clear the rest of the road. But because I never drive a car with good tires, I follow the path everyone one else cleared for me.

When it rains, all I can feel is the heat. I only feel the humidity and I only smell it when it’s over. I try to walk through puddles like my shoes are rubber, but when I’m ankle deep, I realized it’s just canvas. Dirty, cheap, aged canvas sneakers.

When it’s cold all I feel is heat. I only notice my legs burning while my hands freeze. I never wear gloves, even though I know I always want them. I can feel the wind, but only when my hair is wet. I can’t pretend I like the cold anymore, because I have felt the fire and it’s more comfortable.

I don’t pass mirrors without looking. Reflections from everything. I see them and focus on the worlds perception. I am not vain, but I am not comfortable.

The words to songs mean nothing to me anymore unless they tell me what I want to hear. I don’t know what I want to hear, so I can’t listen to music. Music fills me up but because I can’t hear it, my stomach feels empty.

When the bottles were lined up next door, I didn’t notice the problem. But now that there’s not a problem, I am seeing bottles lined up everywhere.

I want to dance, but I can’t move my hips.

I like to be alone, but I’m miserable when I’m alone. Thus, I must crave to be miserable.

I still like it when it rains. I love the look of snow. I long to find good music. The cold is always refreshing and I love to see the world through different eyes. I enjoy a night out with the boys and I feel the rhythm in my soul.

I guess I still don’t understand having your cake and eating it too.
I really don’t like cake all that much.